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I walk into the locker room, throw my clothes off and head to the showers.

The water is warm. I take a handful of the shower gel that the gym supplies in buckets and start lathering up.

I like putting on a show, and for the most part, the other people at my gym seem OK with it too. The couple of guys showering around me look as though they like seeing a show.

I grab some more soap, bite my lip and….

You do a kind of thing where you press it up against yourself and hide it behind your forearm. For anyone to get a good look, either you or the looker has to hold still.

Somebody has to lock eyes with your dick to really see it. Openly jerking off with your friends and neighbors in the shower is probably unique to gay gyms, but everyone showerbates.

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The shower is safe. Gyms have always been an important space for gay men.

Sure, we do a bit of jerking off in the shower. Maybe you find yourself helping out a buddy or sucking dick. I asked the dude at the front desk why they closed the steam room, and he told me health codes and gym patrons complaining.

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Do I think the health code is wrong? Does it stop me from jacking off in the shower? So where do I fall?

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Hire a sterilizer, not a masturbation monitor, fuckers. As far as the gym patrons complaining?

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Either the straight infiltration is already worse than I thought, or my brothers are traitors cool gay marriage, bro. Not losing a second, I wrap a towel around myself and try to hide my red, semi-erect penis from the masturbation monitor.

I walk out into the locker area still a bit wet. Did he see me?

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Did my forearm trick work? Definitely against the health buy. I get dressed, wondering what exactly is going to happen when I walk out of the locker room.

The monitor walks past me and gives me a look out of the corner of his eyes as I pull up my tighty-whities. I feel a subtle terror.

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I walk past the front desk, imagining what they are going to do to me. Will they pin a picture of me behind the desk? Get out a pair of scissors and cut the fob off my key ring right in front of everybody?

That would be some pretty heavy-handed symbolism, dudes. In Wheelling end, though, they do nothing. I walk home, looking up at the new condos.

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